I had an outing to attend and nothing to wear or at least, that’s what I told myself. A feeling most women know too well, even with closets full of clothes.
So I decided to go to Yaba market with my cousin. We had a picture of the dress we wanted and showed it to different shop owners, but no one had exactly what we were looking for. While checking another shop, a man suddenly grabbed my hand. I turned and told him never to touch me again. His response?
“Na because say you fine. If you no fine, I no go touch you.”
He blamed me for being attractive.
Yaba market is notorious for this kind of harassment. It’s been happening for ages. You’d think with all the complaints women make online, something would’ve changed by now. I even remember when women went out to protest. Still, nothing was done.
The man was shocked I pushed back. He said, “No be man go touch you?”
I walked off, furious.
The hunt for the perfect dress ended in disappointment. Everything I saw was either fast fashion knockoffs or just plain ugly. As my cousin and I were leaving the market, a man walking past me suddenly slapped my left breast, open palm.
I turned and gave him what we call abara (slap on the back).
“How dare you slap my breast?” I yelled.
As I type this now, I can still feel the moment. I’m not okay.
The man didn’t even deny it. He just stood there, staring. People gathered around not to help, but to tell me to calm down.
“Aunty calm down.”
“Leave am.”
“No vex.”
“You dey go.”
“You be virgin sef?”
That was what I heard.
In that moment, I realized how easily the victim becomes the villain. I was the one harassed, assaulted, yet I was the one being begged to move on, to be quiet. No one held him accountable. No one dared.
In the middle of it all, I noticed my finger bleeding. Maybe from all the dragging from people telling me to back off, I can’t even remember
.
And it made me wonder is sexual harassment even a crime in Nigeria?
Are there systems in place? People who care? I’m honestly not sure anymore. I’ve given up hope.
When I left the market, I felt numb. I couldn’t protect myself. There was no authority to run to. And even if there was, it would probably be another man asking me the same tired, shameful questions. In my experience, power has rarely stood up for women. It often just makes things worse.
So, to anyone reading this:
Stand up for yourself. Even if it makes you look crazy. Even if you’re standing alone. Even if your voice shakes, stand!
And may God give you the strength and boldness to always choose yourself.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that🤍
So sorry you went through that Abbie