Misinformation! Home is not a person o, home is a place where I can comfortably afford the rent.
As I write to you, I’m currently listening to *Lady* by Fela. I need the motivation!
My people, I finally got an apartment in the city of Lagos State. Backstory for people just encountering this woman, Abbietayo, and wondering why we should care: I moved to Lagos 2 years ago because of my thriving job as a content creator, and since then, I have been hunting for an apartment.
Wait, wait, this music is not doing it for me. It’s too fast, like I’m in an action movie.
That’s more like it—*Shakara Oloje* by Fela now playing, because Lagos house agents used me to do *Shakara*.
I got the perks I wanted in an apartment: good road network, good environment, good ventilation, etc., but *na money kill am*, I can’t lie; Lagos rents are humbling.
My people, I paid for the apartment o! Tell me why I went to the house the next day only to find out that they had a purebred, massive Rottweiler imported from Germany living there. Please, what is going on? Who are we hiding from? Why are you telling me the dog doesn’t bite and I should relax? I asked the tenant with the dog, “Why didn’t this dog bark yesterday?” They said, “Because it was sick.” *Oh chim!* But I go for events and come home as late as 3 a.m. They said, “Someone will hold the dog for you.” My people, I am between a rock and a hard place right now. Should I forfeit the apartment, or should I just stay and get to know the dog? I mean, after everything I went through to find this place.
I don’t joke with dogs. I have been bitten and chased like a market thief, so I have every right to be scared. Besides, I’m just a girl.
Speaking of ordeals, let me share some of the madness I faced as a single woman looking for an apartment.
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Tribal Bias: Some landlords wanted tenants from a specific tribe. If you’re not their “preferred” tribe, forget it. No amount of money or begging can save you. I find it ridiculous, but it’s what it is. One Nigeria? Not here o!
Single Woman Wahala: “Are you married?” they’d ask. Some landlords only wanted married couples because they assume single women are promiscuous. Me that I started the year single and ended it single? I even heard you can rent a spouse or drag your cousin to pose as your partner. Imagine!
“What Job Do You Do?”: “Which work you dey do?”
“I am a content creator.”
“Where’s your office?”
“I work from home.”
“Okay, that means you don’t have a real job.”
“Or is it like fraud?”
Being a content creator is a real job, please, and it has no association with being a fraudster. If you can, try to educate the older citizens around you.
Amongst many other problems like agents shooting videos at 0.05x on an iPhone to deceive you into thinking the space is big, paying ₦5k for inspections, and intentionally showing you houses you’ll hate or that are way above your budget so you can come back another time.
Agents and Their Wahala
Not all agents are bad, though. Some of them were really supportive and invested in you getting a good place. Money had a huge role to play in this search. You may see something you like, but your budget cannot get it.
All in all, my advice? If you can stay in your parents’ house, stay there o! Things are expensive.
For context, This “house” I saw on Twitter (now X) is ₦700k to rent annually, but in total, you’ll pay ₦1.3m for this place. *Deep sigh.*
CC: Ridho_Abdullahi on Twitter.
What’s Next?
After everything, I’m just glad the search is finally over,or is it… Now comes the next challenge: furnishing this space and making it feel like home (dog drama included).
I’ll be sharing my journey every step of the way. You can follow me on all social media platforms @/abbietayo.
Thank you for reading, and let me know if you’ve encountered such ordeals when looking for an apartment in any part of the world.
Congratulations Abbie. I pray the place is home for you and brings you freshness.