This Thing Called Waiting

What does it mean to wait? Google says it’s the action of staying where one is or delaying actions until a particular time or event.

Have you ever had to wait or be told to wait for something? Take a few moments to relieve that moment, can you describe how you felt?

Well let me describe how waiting is like for me.

I am a very active person, I hate to be idle, I like to do something, I don’t want to be still because when this happens I’ll have time to process the feelings that I have tried so hard to suppress and I don’t want that, I don’t want to confront them so I always want to be busy.

Immediately I finished my university degree, I stayed home for a few months and although I was working it wasn’t enough distraction so I enrolled in Aviation School ticking that off my bucket list. It was the most tasking thing I have done but I enjoyed it cause it meant busy!

What am I really running away from, I cannot say, what am I so scared of confronting? I cannot say but I know I’m running away from something and I try desperately to create that distance.

Aviation School ended, jobs stopped coming, inspiration stopped flowing and I became stuck. I can feel myself losing my marbles, I try to get back to my hobbies, I try to exercise, I try to learn a new thing, I even took up a new job but these distractions are not enough!

Recommend extremely busy activities for me please, I am not ready to confront what I’m running away from.

I am praying, asking God to help me get my life back on track but all I get back is deafening silence, no dreams, no voices, nothing I can grasp, just very subtle instructions here and there.

What is these all about? Writing this, the scripture 1 Kings 19:11 came to me.

Why can’t I just be still?

As a child, I attended five secondary school and moved around alot, so the idea of being still is very to me. Even as an adult I try to travel as much as I can, I don’t think I can stay in a place for more than a month without taking a trip even if it’s to a neighboring village.

I am not ending this write up with some kind of inspiration, I am still very much confused on what this wait is all about and why everything is so still. Until next time I write again.